Numbers chapter 31

After reading chapter 31:

*After a brief intermission, laying down some religious and social rules, Yahweh tells Moses to take vengeance on the Midianites, who used to be Moabites, presumably for the crime of inviting them to other god's BBQs and showing the men a good time. So, 12,000 men, 1,000 from each tribe, were sent into battle, along with Phineas, the son of the high priest, the same guy who had run a spear through the Midianite woman and Israeli man. They fought against Midian and killed every man, including Balaam, the guy with the talking donkey.

*The Israelite army burned the Midianite towns and camps, after they plundered them. They took their spoils, including the women and children , back to the Israelite camp. Moses was upset, because it was the Midianite/Moabite women who had enticed the Israelite men. He ordered all the sexually active women killed. The reason given for this was that they were following Balaam's advice on how to turn the Israelites away from Yahweh. This is very strange because chapters 22-24 clearly show Balaam speaking on behalf of  Yahweh and the Israelites, and blessing them. There is no mention of him giving any advice for turning the Israelites away from Yahweh.

*Moses also ordered the killing of all the boys, but gives no reason. Then, he says the Israelite army can save all the virgin girls for themselves, we can guess the reason. The fighting men who had killed, and the captive virgins, were to remain outside the camp for seven days, to be "purified." The thought of this makes my blood run cold. All metals, were to be passed through a fire and washed with holy water, for cleansing. Everything that couldn't be passed through a fire was just to be washed with the water of cleansing.

*Next, Yahweh told Moses to count all the people ( the girls) and the animals that were captured and divide up the spoils. Half for the fighting men, half for the rest of the community.  From the soldier's share, one out of every 500, of the girls, cattle, sheep, goats, and donkeys was to be given to the priests, um, the lord. From the community share, one out of every 50. We are given the numbers for each of the kinds of animals and the virgins, because this is the book of numbers after all. There were 32,000 females divvied up that day.

*After the distribution of the spoils, the commanders of the army told Moses that not a single fighting man had been lost. Incredible. They also had gold to give to the priests, um, the lord. Of course Moses and the priests accepted the gold on Yahweh's behalf, and the soldiers had some left over for themselves, naturally.

Numbers chapters 23 and 24

After reading chapters 23 and 24:

*Next, Balaam has Balak build seven altars and they sacrifice seven Bulls and seven Rams. Then Balaam excuses himself to go talk to Yahweh. When he comes back, he gave a poetic speech called an oracle, which basically says he can't curse the Israelites because God hasn't cursed them.

*Then,  Balak takes Balaam to some higher ground where they can see some of the Israelite horde. He again asks Balaam to curse them. They build seven more altars and sacrifice seven more Bulls and Rams. Balaam excuses himself again to talk with Yahweh. When he comes back, he gives another poetic speech saying he was commanded to bless the Israelites, and no divination or sorcery would work against them. Balak says Balaam may not be able to curse the Israelites, but he doesn't have to bless them, gee.

*Now Balak takes Balaam to a different vantage point hoping there will be a different answer this time. The altars are built again, the Bulls and Rams sacrificed, and Balaam goes off to talk to Yahweh. Balaam then gives another pretty speech about the Israelites and ends with " whoever curses them will be cursed and whoever blesses them will be blessed." Balak was very angry and sent Balaam home without pay for his services. Then Balaam prophesies about Israel crushing the Moabites and other surrounding people, plus the rise of a great ruler. After that he goes home.

Edited because my grammar skills are always better the next day.

Numbers chapter 22

After reading chapter 22:

*Even though chapter 21 tells us the Israelites took possession of and settled in the land of the Amorites, plus made war with Bashan to the north, this chapter tells us they were still on the move. Now they are camping along the Jordan, across the river from Jericho.

*I became confused about many of the places mentioned in these chapters. The Israelites should have gone through or around the land of the Moabites to get to the land of the Amorites, but now we seem to be backtracking . If you look at the maps of the land of Canaan,(There are a number of different maps to flip through) you can see where the different tribal kingdoms are supposed to have been. Anyway, now Balaak, the son of the King of Moab, listened to his fellow Moabites , who were terrified that the Israelite hordes would decimate their land. So, some Moabite princes went to visit Balaam, who was apparently a practitioner of the long lost fake art of divination, plus had the power to bless and curse people.  They wanted Balaam to put a curse on the Israelites. He promised to give them a message from Yahweh.

*God told Balaam not to put a curse on the Israelites and not to go with the princes of Moab. Balaam told the princes this, and the King's son offered him anything he wanted if Balaam would put a curse on the Israelites. Balaam talked to God again and was told to go with the Moabites now.

*So, in the morning, Balaam saddled his donkey to go with the princes of Moab, just like God told him to. But now God is mad, for who knows what reason. His angel stood in the road with a drawn sword, blocking the way. The donkey saw the Angel and refused to go down the road. Balaam beat her. The angel made  a game of block the donkey as Balaam went along. Each time, Balaam beat her. Finally, she just lay down and asked why Balaam has beaten her. Balaam took his talking donkey as a matter of course and said  it's because she made him look foolish. Then they had a little chat, and Balaam realized something was up when he personally saw the Angel with the sword. So, Balaam apologized to the Angel, not the donkey, and offered to turn back. But no, God still wanted him to go on. Huh?

*Balaam got to Balak and told him he could only speak the words God put in his mouth. Then Balak and the other princes had a bbq (sacrifice) and shared it with Balaam.

And if you believe in talking donkeys, I have a bridge to sell you.

Edited for grammar and spelling.