So long, farewell....

It's time for me to go. I've been putting my thoughts on the bible out into the ether for about five years now. It started out as an antidote to my religious conditioning and an outlet for things I wish I could say out loud. At that time, I was a closeted atheist attending a church of christ. My husband was the only person in the world who knew I was an atheist and he was not happy about it. I was more than a little afraid for my future, having been socialized to believe I would be shunned and abandoned if anyone ever knew what I actually thought about god, the bible, and religion.

 I kept this blog anonymous and unfunded, even though it kept me in the no man's land of the Google algorithm, because I didn't want it to affect my personal life in any way. I didn't care how many viewers I got, but have been pleasantly surprised throughout the years. My blog's map shows me I've had readers from every continent. (Hello, to my regular visitors) However, I never received any comments on my actual content. Just a bit of spam now and then. That's okay. It actually made me less self conscious and willing to ramble on.

My life and the world have changed over the last five years. I feel that I have covered everything I needed and wanted to discuss about the bible in this blog. I'm no longer attending church and have no plans to ever go back. I have friends and family members who know I am an atheist and have not abandoned me. However, I still feel the need to exercise caution when speaking about religion. My husband is still not happy about it, but he pretends it is a non-existent issue. My fear is not as great as it once was, but my sorrow has increased a hundred fold. I have lost someone very dear to me.

Because of my loss, I have had to make some monumental life changes and mental shifts. My psyche has been in emotional turmoil for over six months. I really should find a therapist that I can work with, one who won't "bimble off into woo woo land." I've shed a lot of former activities and associations, clearing my way for a future that is still a mystery to me. I have plans to finish my education and do a little travelling. I also want to move away from an area which has not been good for my mental health. In the spirit of trying new things to see what sticks, I bought myself a ukulele.

Existential angst is a powerful thing. I suspect embracing it might be easier and healthier than resisting. We'll see. In the meantime, the earth has been well watered with my tears. Life is strange. I can wake up in the morning and appreciate the beauty of my world, hear the laughter of people I love, and even laugh a little myself. Yet still I walk around with a broken heart and the certain knowledge that we are all but space dust. The universe and time care nothing for my tears.

To my friends and family, should you ever find this blog: I have been as honest in these pages as I know how to be. If anything I have written gives you pain or sorrow, know that it was not my intent. I was writing what I saw as true at the time.

To my children, should you ever find this blog: I love you dearly, more than words can tell.

Rest in peace my dear one.

AG

This and that.

If you've been coming here for a while, you know that I am an ex church of christ, in-the-closet atheist, who still attends because of family concerns. I've discussed the decline in churches of christ before. Yesterday, I came across an article about the decline that I found interesting, here. The author attributes the rapid downfall to the church's doctrine on women's roles in the church. However, I think it is more complex than that and it includes all the issues that are currently part of the political divide in the US.

You've probably noticed my blog is fairly anonymous at the moment. This is to maintain equilibrium in many of my relationships which would be spoiled by my atheism becoming public. I care for quite a few people who do not understand how one could become an atheist. Because of that I also have a reduced level of communication between myself and my readers. I have no ads because I would have to shed some anonymity and I don't need the money, yet. I know it makes me less visible on search engines, but I'm okay with that for now.

Comments are open, subject to moderation. I have not actually published any yet though, and don't receive comments very often. A good 75% of all comments I have received are obviously spam. Some that are not obvious are suspect. The few that seem genuine have merely been of the kind that that say, "I have subscribed" or "I like your content." None have specifically addressed the content at all. All have been anonymous, which is fine.

I get fairly steady light traffic here, about 7-10 views a day, from all over the world, most from the US. You, dear reader, can help increase my circulation by just sharing this site with anyone you think might be interested, privately or on social media. No obligation.

This blog probably benefits me more than anyone else. It was started to help me deconstruct the bible and my former indoctrination into christianity. I was already in the habit of regular bible study, but since my point of view has shifted dramatically, I find my studies far more interesting. I am so flattered to think that a few others may be interested in my thoughts on bible subjects.

As always, I gravitate toward a "plain reading" of the text, because the church tradition I was a part of  taught that the bible did not need interpreting by any kind of intermediary. Each member should be able to "rightly divide the word of truth" for himself. (Emphasis on him.) Females were  generally subject to the interpretation given by males in authority. I realize there are other ways to deal with the text, but I'm not interested in them. I actually agree with the notion that each person should be able to discover the truth of the scriptures for herself or himself, especially if the bible is truly the words of a deity who wishes all to be saved.

Till next time.

Church of Christ statistics

In case you are new here, I attend a church of Christ congregation with my family. My husband is the only one of them who knows I am an atheist.  We don't talk about it because it upsets him. Recently, over on the Patheos blog Roll To Disbelieve, there has been a conversation about the decline in Christianity. I got curious and did some simple research on the churches of Christ in the United States.

This article in the Christian Chronicle, a church of Christ newspaper, gives an historical overview up to 2009. The statistics are routinely compiled by 21st Century Christian, a Church of Christ publishing company: https://christianchronicle.org/church-in-america-marked-by-decline/

Notice that the decline began after the peak in 2003, when it is reported that the group keeping the statistics decided to become hard-nosed and eliminate instrumental congregations from the ranks. This would not fully account for the decline in the number of congregations, but maybe a large number of attendees, because a few of the rare mega churches in the denomination are instrumental. Even when only non-instrumental congregations were counted, the numbers were still creeping down through to 2009, as shown in the article. 

According to an addendum to the article, in 2012, the decision to dismiss instrumental churches from the ranks was reversed. However that reversal was obviously not permanent. The 2018 report includes only a cappella congregations. That is found here: https://www.21stcc.com/pdfs/ccusa_stats_sheet.pdf

After reviewing the statistics freely available, I have found that number of counted congregations has shrunk by about 9% since the 2003 peak, at an average rate of about 79 a year. The number of total members, which means baptized believers on the rolls, has decreased by about 12% over the last 15 years. The number of total adherents on the congregations' rolls, which includes non baptized children, has also decreased by about 13%. 

The average attendance over just the last three years, state by state on this document, https://www.21stcc.com/pdfs/PDF_Sample_1.pdf   has decreased by as low as 3% in bible belt areas to up to 8% in places like California and Colorado. The attendance in Maine was down 15%, but its churches are historically small. 

These numbers seem to show that most of the gains since 1980 have been lost. If this trend continues, in another decade church of Christ numbers could approach the levels seen about 1950. I have no doubts at all that this decline is due to the effects of the expansion of the internet, the effects of social media, and the politicization of religion.

(I previously commented about these statistics on the Roll to Disbelieve blog.This post is a cleaned up version.)